Head or Heart. . .How 'bout both?

I've heard the longest 18 inches is from your head to your heart meaning head knowledge is not the same as heart knowledge.  I think I vacillate between these extremes.  I can spend plenty of time learning about the Lord and theology but never connect it in my heart.  Some days I feel more heady.  Some days I feel more like the heart!  My confession is that I probably spend more time as a heady than a hearty.  I'm a list person.  I love accomplishing tasks.  I like finishing projects.  I like to be DONE.  I don't enjoy things that never seem complete to me, things that are repetitive, things I can never cross off the list.

Which leads me to my current job.  I am a stay at home mom and I wouldn't trade it for the world!  I experienced the working mom world and can't say I enjoyed even a small part of it.  That being said, I am forever grateful for how hard my husband works and how the Lord has been absolutely amazing in His provision for us since I quit my job.  I love being able to nurture our child and take care of our home.  I do however feel like a Mom version of the movie Groundhog Day.  Just seems like everyday is a repeat of the last one.  Some days it is hard to find the joy in putting away another load of laundry, picking up the playroom (even with my son's help) one more time, and fixing another exciting dinner!

In Michelle fashion, I have created a job chart. . .I wash one load of laundry and clean two rooms a day so I can check off my list and know I completed something at the end of the week (even when my house doesn't look like it!  ha ha).  I hardly ever cook the same thing twice so that there is some variety in dinner and the testing of my culinary skills.  And I sadly enjoy the variance from week to week of my. . .wait for it. . .grocery ads.  I become excited by new organizational tools and helps but still lack some motivation to get all of it done.  

My sweet friend found and recommended a book that I am excited to get my hands on.  31 Days to Clean: Having a Martha House the Mary Way.  http://31daystoclean.com/ I think it is perfect for my current conundrum of head versus heart.  I think I need some motivation to serve the Lord instead of just crossing off my list because I know it's a good thing to do for my family.  I look forward to the practical side of the book but am searching for the heart of Mary.  I want to sit at His feet.  Unfamiliar with the story.  Check it out in Luke 10:38-42 or below:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

90 Day Challenge

Who was the teacher that changed your life?  I'm sure everyone has at least one!  I was blessed enough to have several.  Through the Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate programs in my school district, I was exposed to many excellent teachers.  Even still, I find myself singing jingles when I write and referring to my mental catalogue from my ninth grade English class.  Ms. Burroughs.  Ms. Burroughs: the mysterious motorcycle riding spinster.  More rumors about her were whispered through the hallways than the most popular girl in our class.

Ms. Burroughs was a quirky and strangely upbeat.  We knew little of her personal life.  She considered that very unprofessional hence the rumors, I suppose.  It seemed as though many disliked her because she was so odd but I secretly adored her.  She respected her students and cared for us deeply.  You could get away with nothing.  She also made me laugh by reprimanding us with humor.  It was the kind of discipline where you knew you were out of line but didn't feel defensive when she rebuked you with the gentle, "Declasse, my dear, declasse!"  Ms. Burroughs also taught very differently than any other teacher.  She loved literature and loved to read it to us.  As very mature 9th graders, this seemed so juvenile, so elementary to us.  Who reads stories, poems, and whole plays (voices included) to 9th graders?  I also secretly enjoyed this and love thinking back on it now that I am a huge advocate of reading aloud to children.  (Side-note: studies show children benefit from parents reading to them well into high school. . .it continues to help with correct grammar and sentence structure and we ALL know that is much needed nowadays.  It makes me shudder to read grammatically incorrect billboards, Facebook statuses, text messages, blog entries.  Common and proper nouns is a second grade lesson, people!)

All this to say, I have found that I receive information (mainly literature) best when I can read it AND have it read to me at the same time.  For this reason I am madly in love with the Bible in 90 Days audio Bible application!  Some friends of mine at church were doing this program and one said she was using the audio to help keep her interested in the reading.  (The program has you reading the Bible from cover to cover in 90 days. . .start thinking Lamentations, Deuteronomy, parts of Judges!!)  At first I thought, "I don't know.  Sounds crazy and Bible on tape has put me to sleep before!" And shame on me for thinking so because the most effective reading I have ever had of Genesis came when I opened up the Word and had it read to me at the same time.  And the good Lord knows how many times I have read Genesis in attempt to read the whole Bible cover to cover.  SO, I thought I would start the program again since I am on the other side of mass chaos: both my sisters getting married, moving and Grandma's 80th birthday bash all in 6 weeks.  I started this morning with Day One of Week One and am hoping that the Gospels line up with Christmas!  I am hoping to record some of my thoughts and pondering here.  I think this method of learning is spawning more questions and random thoughts.  Hope you're up for a wild ride!

Trading Facebook for the God book

"The only way to dispossess the heart of an old affection is by the expulsive power of a new one."

-Thomas Chalmers, Scottish Presbyterian minister

This Thomas Chalmers quote from a great sermon became the summation of my current state of idolatry.  I spend my days wasting time and energy on things that cease to matter in this life and the next.  I sometimes reach the end of my days and crawl into bed with nothing substantial to account for that day.  I think about casting out my current affections for the useless: email, Hulu, Facebook, and so on.  But that is where it ends. . .in thinking.  I never take action.

The main distracting affection is Facebook.  The Lord made us to be relational beings.  Genesis 1:27 says,  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."   He made us to reflect His character, who He is.  He made us so that we can commune with Him and with others.  I think Facebook is genius for that reason.  It connects us with others within seconds and with such ease that we effortlessly become sucked into this fake community.  Now let me clarify that statement.  I have a handful of "friends" on Facebook that are real relationships that I have real community with.  My sister signed me up for Facebook shortly after it's viral arrival (when it was debatable if just out of college qualified as Facebook worthy). I do love sharing pictures, stories, and comments with her, the rest of my family, and my sweet close friends.  And that leaves about 750 other "friends" out there.  How do you explain that?  My thoughts include, "Oh, I was the chaplin of my very large youth group. . .My high school was one of the biggest graduting classes in America. . . I was a youth group intern at a large Bible church. . .I participated in a large Christian sorority in college" and gained 750 friends doing so!?!? What? 

I can spend whole hours maybe days "connecting" with these 750 "friends" of mine in the comfort of my own home while making meals for my family, folding laundry, and molding the young mind of my two year old.  And I have real, meaningful converstions with these people (please note sarcasm in this statement).  I have a couple issues with my own obsession.  Do you ever find someone who you really feel connected with on your own page?  Someone who is always leaving you messages or telling you how precious your child is in all your pictures?  Someone who then won't talk to you when you see them at your ten year reunion, or the grocery store, or (gasp) church?  Some real community there, huh?  I am quite cognisant of not being the most popular person but I am positive this happens to more than unpopular me.  The other issue I have with this fixation: I spend more time with Facebook than with the Lord and I sometimes spend more time with Facebook than my immediate family. 

I have attempted to limit my usage to a morning check, naptime play, and evening check.  I can spend my child's naptime using Facebook.  This works for a while and then I fall back into addiction.  I have even posted Proverbs 31:27 by the computer, "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."  That proved convicting until I ripped it up and threw it in the trash!  I, however, have become bored with Facebook and how it makes me feel.  I have been yearning for real relationship with God and with friends and family. 

And this is where Thomas Chalmers comes in.  I realized I need to replace one affection with a newer greater one.  I can't just stop being drawn to one affection. . .it needs to be kicked out and replaced with something better.  My greater affection will be a different kind of book.  My God book.  The Bible.  And this, my friends, is where I shall record my ponderings on that new affection!